Past, Present, and Yet To Come
by Out-of-Character217
Summary: Cloud and Leon are moving on. For Sora, for themselves, and for the future they all want. But Christmas has always been a difficult time of year and this one will be no different. - For the Strifehartwinterweek2k16 over on Tumblr. (7 part series.)
1. Fireside

**A/N:** This is a series for the strifehartwinterweek2k16 happening over on tumblr all this week. Each day will centre around a particular winter theme, but will follow a modern AU narrative. If you want to become involved with the event, head on over to tumblr and submit your own entries, or send me a PM with a link to your story here on , and i will link you through my blog.

* * *

 **Day One:  
**

 **Fireside**

"That the last of them?" Leon asked, setting the box down by the side of the couch, his gaze sliding over the scattered, disorganised belongings that littered the once empty living room. Cloud was knelt by the fireside, struggling to get the kindling to catch a flame. He nodded distractedly, and tutted softly as the taper fizzled out again and left the yawning fireplace cold and empty.

Leon rubbed his hands together, feeling the bite of the chilly air. "Here, lemme." He offered, crouching down beside Cloud and he took the taper and matches from his lover's cold hands.

"Sora okay?" Cloud enquired, watching with quiet blue eyes as Leon lit the taper easily enough and held it to the kindling, the small flames taking root as they spread quickly through the dry wood.

"He's fine, he's asleep already." Leon replied quietly, sitting back on his heels and held his hands out to the warm and inviting heat. Gods but it was cold. He'd have to take a look at that boiler first thing in the morning.

"He warm enough?" Cloud reached for the comforter he'd already unpacked and pulled it down off the arm of the couch.

"He's fine, I promise." Leon told him, a firmer tone to the edge of his voice. Cloud didn't take offence, Leon always was a little more defensive when it came to his son. It was something Cloud had had to learn to live with.

Permanently, Cloud thought to himself as he considered their new home. First night and the boiler was already on the blink. And with Christmas just around the corner it couldn't have come at a worse time. Leon would fix it though. He'd always been handy with a tool box. And fires. Cloud added.

"Don't forget I'm taking him to get the tree this weekend." Cloud reminded the older man, throwing the blanket around his shoulders and holding the edge out invitingly for Leon to slide into. The fire was building up nicely, the side of Cloud's face growing hot and flushed with the heat.

"Let's just get everything unpacked first." Leon replied, ignoring the offer. Cloud let the blanket slide off his shoulders and frowned a little.

"Everything okay?" He kept his tone quiet and gentle. Any accusation would trip Leon's defences and he'd never get another word out of him the whole night. "You seem kind of... distant. More than usual." Cloud amended, and watched how Leon distracted himself with poking the fire. Deliberately avoiding looking at him like he always did when there was something on his mind. Sometimes, just sometimes, Leon was easier to read than he thought he was.

"It's nothing. I'm fine." The sullen tone told a different story. Cloud sighed deeply, uncaring that he was being obvious.

"This is about Sora, isn't it? About Rinoa?"

Leon seemed to tense around the shoulders and Cloud knew he'd guessed right. It wasn't a new issue; Rinoa was a sore subject for Leon and always had been. He rarely spoke about her and Cloud thought maybe that was half of the problem.

The love of his young life and mother of their son hadn't left or cheated or simply stopped loving Leon. She had died. And the loss of her had crippled Leon for years after.

Cloud scooted a little closer and placed a hand over Leon's forearm, distracting him from tending the fire.

"Did... did we do the right thing?" Leon eventually asked after considering Cloud's gentle fingers against his skin for a while. "Moving, I mean." He turned his head and fixed Cloud with uncertain eyes. Grey eyes filled with doubt and loss and insecurity, and Cloud stared back, out of his depth in many ways yet still so sure of Leon; certain of what they had. He stood, leaving Leon's question unanswered for a moment and disappeared into the next room, returning a few minutes later with a small framed photograph. He knelt and placed it on the hearth and the familiar picture of the woman smiling proudly with a small child in her arms seemed to bring an instant homely feel to the room. As if it where the very heartbeat of the house.

Leon's gaze was sad and steady, his eyes reflecting the flickering glow of the fire as he looked at the picture of Rinoa and Sora. He had been a year old when the photo had been taken, and the twinkling lights of a Christmas tree could be seen in the background. They had shared their first Christmas in the house they had bought together and had dreamed of living a life in. Never making room in their fantasies for the possibility of a premature death. A year later, with Sora two and Rinoa's health failing, she died on Christmas Eve, leaving behind a man who would never quite be able to get over the pain of losing a future that had seemed so perfect.

"I know it seems like leaving that house feels like you're leaving her behind," Cloud began quietly, pulling Leon from his bittersweet memories. "But you're not." There were many things that Leon was: quiet, introspective, sometimes so closed off it drove Cloud to paranoia, but Leon had never been disloyal. He carried Rinoa with him constantly. And although he had found it beyond painful to celebrate a time of year that would always be painful for him, he'd wanted to give Sora a Christmas; he had put aside the loss and had given his son the childhood that he had never had. Sometimes, Cloud worried he'd put it aside a little too well.

"He doesn't remember her," Cloud said gently, because that fact hurt Leon the most. "All he remembers is you, and so long as he's got you it doesn't matter where we live."

The move had been necessary, Cloud had been certain. He had no qualms about living in a house full of ghosts and memories, but even Cloud had seen how much they had been holding Leon back. Five years was too long to spend stuck in the past.

"Then why does it feel like I'm betraying her?" Leon had never asked such a personal question before; had never revealed so much insecurity in so few words. Cloud couldn't deny they stung just a little. After all the years they'd been together, it was leaving that house that put the distance between them. It was a symbol for both of them, for so many different reasons.

Cloud wasn't prepared for the question so he let the silence hang, and in that silence he felt like maybe Leon would interpret it the one way Cloud didn't want him to. Like an agreement. So instead Cloud reached out and captured Leon's cheek, cupping it gently with his fingers and distracted him with a kiss. Slow and meaningful, deliberate and profound. And when he pulled away Leon was watching him with a quiet, expectant gaze.

"You think too much." Cloud told him with a crooked smile, bringing their foreheads together in gentle affection.

Leon let go of a soft breath of mirth and closed his eyes, enjoying the simple comfort of the man who knew enough to understand him.

"You've got no idea." He murmured with a coy smile.


	2. Family

**A/N:** Day two: Friends or _**Family**_

* * *

 **Family**

"Hey Dad, what's this?" Sora held up the delicate glass snow globe with an inquisitive frown, his child's fingers cradling the fragile object with precarious balance. The house was still an organised mess, but slowly, the unpacking of their old lives was beginning to reveal a homely and comfortable space. Objects and pieces of furniture, trinkets and belongings that held memories and told stories filled the alcoves and shelves, and photographs and pictures hung from the walls; a sense of the people who lived there was beginning to permeate the fabric of the small home.

Leon looked up from his stack of neatly piled books, the narrow line of his mouth becoming stiff as his gaze settled on the precious object in his son's hand.

"Where did you get that?" He asked instead, knowing full well that he'd packed it carefully and secretly within a private box amongst his own belongings.

"It was with a pile of stuff in your room." Sora replied, shrugging his shoulders as he tossed it carelessly from hand to hand, a slight shadow of doubt colouring his eyes as he noticed his father's demeanour change.

"That's not just _stuff_ , Sora. What were you doing in my room?" Leon's reply was terse and he stood quickly, picking his way around the couch to pluck the globe from Sora's grasp. His son shuffled back a bit, his curiosity vanishing moment by moment.

"I… I was with Pops. He said I could help him unpack." He replied as defensively as a seven year old child knew how to be. The unfairness of being scolded for something he'd been asked to do not lost on him. Leon seemed to pay him no mind, and climbed the stairs with an urgency that Sora knew meant he'd upset his father. And just like always, he didn't really understand why. Rubbing his suddenly sweaty palms down his shirt with an awkward and self-conscious frown, he followed in Leon's footsteps, being sure to keep his distance.

"...-you think you're doing letting him go through my stuff?" He heard his father snap as he hovered outside his parent's bedroom, making sure to keep well hidden from sight.

"He was helping me." His pops replied, just as bewildered as Sora felt.

"This stuff is private, Cloud. I don't want him messing with it."

"He wasn't _messing_." Sora felt vindicated, but only a little as his frown deepened and a small well of hurt opened up in his chest. He didn't want to make his father mad, he wasn't _trying_ to make him mad. But sometimes he did it so easily he wondered if he shouldn't try a bit harder. In those moments, it was always so easy to think that his father hated him, despite the fact that he always tried his best to be good.

"It doesn't matter, I don't want him playing with this stuff."

Sora heard his pops sigh and then silence. Quietly, and with tears near brimming in his eyes, he waited to see if his father would say any more.

"You can't keep this stuff from him, Leon," Cloud eventually said, his tone softer and gentler, the kind of voice Sora loved. His pops always was the one he could go to when he needed reassurance. "He wants to know about her. He has a right."

 _Her…_ his mother. A ghost of a memory that held no substance for Sora. She was nothing more than a name and a picture, an entity that had been and was no more; completely inconsequential to his young mind because he had all the family he needed right here. The vague impression that she had been a part of a life that had existed before him was always there, and in so many ways that impression intruded on Sora's life. But it was slippery and formless, like an inky shadow cast at night. The snow globe must have belonged to _her._

"When he asks about her, then I'll tell him." Leon snapped.

"He won't ask, you know he won't."

"And you think that's my fault." It wasn't a question.

"I'm not blaming _anyone_." His pops shot back, the undercurrent of their conversation moving so quickly and subtly that it passed Sora by completely, and all he longed to do was apologise to his father and make the shouting stop.

"Then let me handle Sora _my_ way. I'll tell him about her when I'm ready."

"And when will that be? When he's twenty and already moved out? Or are you kinda hoping he'll never ask so you won't have to face doing what's right?"

Sora jumped when he heard the bang, and that sliver of fright manifested itself in a wobbly tear as it leaked its way out from the corner of his shimmering eyes.

"You don't get to tell me how to raise my son!" His father was really angry now. Sora knew that tone of voice.

"Well he's my son too!" But he'd never heard his pops sound like that. Always so mild mannered, always so understanding, pops had never had to raise his voice to him in his life. "Or is that not how this works?"

Silence. It stretched on for so long, Sora began to fear he'd gone deaf.

"We're supposed to be a family, Leon." Again, that quieter, softer tone that pulled a shuddering breath of relief from Sora and he hiccuped away the single fallen tear with a quick swipe of his hand. "We're supposed to be doing this _together."_

Together… the sentiment was strange and out of place to Sora. They'd always been together, hadn't they? In Sora's young mind, and in the shallow depth's of his short memories, he couldn't remember a time when it hadn't been just the three of them. The distinction left Sora feeling confused. Did his dad not want them to be a family? Was that why he got cross with Sora and shouted at his pops?

"We are doing this together-" Leon began only to be abruptly cut off.

"Then start acting like it." Cloud was firm and Sora's confusion only thickened. Why were his parents so angry? What was it about _her_ that caused so much hurt?

He slipped away from their bedroom, not wanting to hear any more but certain in the way that only a child can be, that nothing could be better – nothing could be right again – until _her_ shadow was gone. And though he didn't want to, although he was afraid to ask, he was sure that the answer lay within himself.

 _Better start with pops,_ Sora told himself, knowing Cloud would point him in the right direction. _He'll know what to do._


	3. Ice

**AN:** Day 3: **Ice** or Northern Lights.

* * *

 **Ice**

Cloud had gone in search of Sora, worried that he hadn't seen or head from him the whole morning. It had snowed heavily overnight, and the deep drifts had piled up against the sides of their house. Here, Cloud discovered his son, fashioning a den from the hollows of the frosty banks.

"Hey, kiddo. What'cha doing?"

Sora paused momentarily and looked up at his pops, blinking against the brightness of the sun that glared off the snow and crinkled his nose, and gave a short, apathetic shrug. Throwing his spade down, he turned and sat on his backside, kicking his heels out into the pile that had built up behind him.

"Diggin'." He answered truthfully, though to Cloud it hardly seemed like his heart was in it.

"Need a hand?" He asked, frowning a little at the obvious disquiet in Sora's demeanor.

Sora shrugged again and kicked his feet a little. "No, It's okay."

Cloud felt uneasiness settle through him like the burn of a good whiskey, and with down turned lips and a crease in his brow, he settled on his haunches beside his son and playfully flicked Sora's chin with the tip of one gloved finger.

"Something on your mind there?" He waited patiently for Sora to reply, the unease only growing the longer it took – the deeper Sora's own troubled frown became – and he felt the inevitability of a deep and serious problem about to be broached.

"Did..." the little stutter made Cloud's heart clench, and he noticed how hard it was for Sora to articulate his troubled thoughts. "Did dad like it better before?" He asked, unable to look Cloud in the eye. "Before I came along?"

The little fist that was squeezing Cloud's heart clenched painfully and his throat closed up momentarily. He could feel his pulse in the base of his jaw.

"What makes you ask that?" He tried to keep his replied calm and neutral.

Sora wasn't forthcoming with a reply and so Cloud sat himself down properly beside the young boy, his jeans soaking up the frigid cold of the snowy sludge beneath him.

"Is this about the other day, with the snow globe?" Cloud asked tenderly, tugging lightly on a wild bang that poked out from under Sora's hat.

"He always gets so mad at me, I think he hates me."

Cloud's eyes widen with the confession, left speechless for a long while.

"He doesn't hate you, he _loves_ you."

"Not as much as he loves _her._ " Sora's reply was so bitter and sullen – too bitter for a child so small – Cloud began to fear they'd overlooked their son's perceptive mind.

"Her?" he asked, already knowing the answer. "You mean..."

"My mom." Sora gathered the courage to look up at Cloud, honest and open confusion in his large eyes that reminded Cloud of Rinoa so much he couldn't blame Leon for finding it difficult to look at them. It hurt Cloud to be reminded that Sora was _theirs_ before he was his. That Leon had a life before him – had a love before him. It was all selfish pride and ego, he knew.

"You think about her a lot, huh?" Cloud reached out an arm and pulled Sora in a little closer. He was rewarded with another shrug.

"I guess. Do you remember her?" Sora asked, the hopefulness in his tone not lost on Cloud.

"Sure," Cloud nodded, trying his best to keep nonchalant about a subject he had far too many feelings about. Watching Leon and Rinoa build a life together had been hard. He hadn't known it back then, all of seventeen and still unsure of his own feelings and desires, but he'd considered Leon a close friend – closer than anyone else – and hadn't even entertained the possibility that he'd been in love with him for the longest time. Leon had been twenty and an expectant father to boot. Cloud's burgeoning feelings were the chaotic struggle of a teenager coming to terms with his own sexuality, and by the time he'd put all the pieces together, Rinoa was dying and Leon had needed him in a way that had no place for confessions of undiminished – not to mention unrequited – love. So Cloud had kept his feelings to himself. Had contented himself with a friendship that had slowly turned into something else. He had all kinds of memories of Rinoa. Though none he was sure he could share with her son. "But maybe you should be asking your dad about this."

"He won't tell me." Sora replied with a surety that scared Cloud.

"You don't know that, maybe if you ask him..."

"I _know_ he won't. He never tells me anything." There was that bitterness again.

"Why d'you wanna know about this so badly?" Even as he said it, Cloud knew it was a ridiculous question. What kid wouldn't want to know about the mother they'd never met?

"Because you and dad always say that keeping secrets is bad, but you won't talk about her. It's not fair."

Cloud felt the guilt twist at his heart, and for a brief moment he was ashamed to admit that he hated Leon for putting them all in this situation.

"Look, kiddo," he began, rising to his knees in front of Sora so that he had his full attention. Gently, he tilted Sora's ruddy face up towards him and leveled him with a serious gaze. "Sometimes grown-ups keep secrets for a good reason. Its hard, but they do it to protect the people they love. Your dad just wants you to be happy. He's not trying to hurt you, and he _doesn't_ hate you, but talking about your mom is hard for him. Understand?"

Cloud could see in his eyes that he didn't, but his son nodded his head dutifully anyway. What was it about those eyes that made Cloud feel like he was failing all the time?

"I think you should ask him anyway. He might surprise you."

"Okay." Sora's response was sullen and full of doubt, and Cloud was far from reassured by their talk. But he couldn't focus on that now. He needed to talk to Leon.

"Dinner's in half an hour. Don't stay out here too long." He said, leaving Sora to his snow fort and endless, unanswered questions.

He found Leon in the kitchen, prepping food.

"You need to talk to Sora." He said, the tone of his voice leaving no doubt as to what he was referring to.

"What about?" Leon didn't even bother to turn around.

"You know what about."

"We've already been through this." Leon was being stubborn and Cloud felt the building frustration of having to surmount those walls every time they talked.

"He's asking questions, Leon. He _wants_ to know. He thinks you hate him for fuck sake." He couldn't keep the heat out of his voice despite how hard he was trying. Leon's hands slowed but he didn't turn around and his apparent indifference to Cloud's pleading only incensed Cloud further.

"You're so fucking cold sometimes, you know that?" Cloud snapped, missing the way Leon's jaw tensed "Sometimes, living with you… it's like living with a block of ice." The silence that followed was only punctuated by the ticking clock and the sound of bubbling water on the stove. "You might wanna think on that the next time you wonder why Sora hates spending time with you."

And still Leon refused to turn around, so Cloud left to find his own private space to brood in, while his lover tried to pretend that his hazy vision was nothing more than a stray eyelash, and the tight knot in his throat nothing more than the aching of a sore throat.


	4. Evergreen

**A/N:** Hibernation or **Evergreen.**

* * *

 **Evergreen**

Leon heard the car pull up long before the door opened. Breathing in a steady, not too reassuring pull of air through his nose, he straightened his shoulders, firmed his resolve, and picked up the small box of ornaments off his bedside table.

It took him a while to work up the courage to go downstairs. So long in fact, that Cloud and Sora had already positioned the tree by the fireplace, and had discarded their winter hats and scarves to begin pulling out boxes of tinsel and fairy lights. Leon watched them from the bottom of the stairs, hidden in the doorway as they conspired about which would look better: coloured lights or yellow ones. Sora liked the coloured ones, and so being the dutiful father that Cloud was, he acquiesced and began to wind them around the pine scented branches.

Leon watched with gentle eyes, a small smile tugging at his lips as Sora tried to help, getting tangled up in the long cords, a fierce love burning in his heart as Cloud patiently untied him.

Yet through it all, lanced through the affection and the tenderness, was a deep seated regret and an ache that he had no real name for. He'd been unable to put it away. To find a place for it in his memories. It should have been dealt with when Rinoa passed; processed and acknowledged and then put to rest just as she was. But it _should_ have been Rinoa standing there helping Sora pick baubles and strings of beads. It should have been Rinoa who giggled and made a game of hanging the chocolate decorations too far out of Sora's reach. The loss of what should have been would always be too great, and Leon felt his throat close over as the whispers of his greatest fears tickled in the back of his mind. _What if you hold this against them forever?_

He knew it wasn't right. What he was doing was unfair and hurtful. Rinoa was dead and it was no ones fault, least of all Sora or Cloud's. There had never been anything else but love and patience and understanding from both of them, and yet Leon could feel those fragile virtues eroding over time. Cloud's love wouldn't last forever, and Sora's patience and understanding would turn to resentment and hate soon enough. He could sense the impending end of their family like the slow fall of a thick fog, and he felt just as powerless to stop it. How was he meant to undo so many years of hurt? How was he meant to reverse what death had done?

Knowing there was no way back was almost harder than not knowing how to go on, yet Leon had never been given a choice about that. Forward had been the only direction he could have gone. Falling apart had been so tempting, and it had been Cloud that had prevented that. Leon didn't want to think of where he would be now if it hadn't been for Cloud.

Oh, he'd known all those years ago – when he and Rinoa had been young and new – that Cloud had loved him. Even when Cloud hadn't quite figured it out. And if it hadn't been for Rinoa…

Well, there was no point in thinking about that now. There had been a Rinoa. There had been a life together and the promise of so much more. All gone, within the withering of a few months. Why Cloud had stayed – why he still stayed – was beyond Leon. He'd done nothing to deserve the happiness either love had brought to his life. But despite all his faults, and despite all of his failings, stayed Cloud had.

He owed it to him to try.

"Hey," Leon spoke up, stepping out from his secret hiding place with a shy smile. Cloud and Sora turned, both with faint surprise on their faces as they watched Leon approach.

"Hey," Cloud replied softly, handing off a glittered star to Sora, who in turn hung it on the tree.

"Mind if I help this year?" Leon asked, knowing the request would be poignant. Decorating the tree had always been Sora and Cloud's job, the task too painful for Leon to face.

"Sure!" Cloud replied, brows disappearing into his hairline in pleasant surprise. He chanced a look down at Sora, who was putting far too much effort into concentrating on picking the next decoration. It didn't escape Leon's notice either.

"I dug these out. Thought you could use them," he offered, holding the box in his hands out. Sora dared a peek from under messing bangs.

"What are they?" he asked curiously, eventually reaching up to take them.

"Christmas tree decorations," Leon answered honestly, watching how Sora broke the seal with careful reverence. "They were your mom's favourite."

Leon felt the burning of Cloud's weighty stare and couldn't bring himself to meet it.

"I kept them, after… well, I thought… I thought you might want them." He watched as Sora thumbed through the trinkets. Just a few odd baubles and hanging angels, a beautiful crystal dove with delicately carved feathers. Sora seemed to understand. He nodded his thanks, a small, earnest smile spreading across his lips as he looked up at his father.

"Thanks," he said, turning to place the box on the arm of the couch so that he could select one to hang. He didn't see the discarded wire beneath his feet; couldn't stop himself from toppling over with a stomach turning lurch as the box flew from his hands and landed with a small crash that echoed in the silence. Sora collapsed on his hands and knees, the feeling of his father's shock slowly turning to anger behind him. He let out a strange sort of whimper, a frightened and panicked sound as he picked up the box to find fragments of broken glass beneath it.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, lip already wobbling. "Dad, I'm really sorry."

Leon was beside him in a moment, pulling Sora's hands away as he struggled with the anger and the pain, not wanting his son to hurt himself on the shards but so very upset at the destruction.

"Just leave it!" He snapped, snatching the box from Sora, regretting his harsh words as his son recoiled. But still he couldn't keep his rage from slithering out. "Why didn't you look where you were going?"

"Leon, it was an accident." He heard Cloud say somewhere behind him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

"Just..." Leon had to pinch the bridge of his nose to keep himself in check. "Just go to your room."

Silence descended – thick and heavy – and quickly Sora scurried away, tears already pooling in his eyes. Leon felt the pressing weight of Cloud at his back and refused to turn to face him. He knew all too well the look of anger and disappointment he'd find in his lover's eyes.

"He didn't do it on purpose, Leon."

Leon had to bite his tongue, hard.

"Not now, Cloud. Just… not now." Somehow, looking at the broken fragments of those trinkets was like looking at Rinoa's cold, pale face all over again. And give him his due, Cloud left without another word, alone in the living room with the half-finished tree.


	5. Blizzard

**A/N: Blizzard** or Winter Sun

* * *

 **Blizzard**

Leon felt an inexplicable unease and it kept him awake for most of the night. For hours he lay staring at the ceiling, guilt and shame gnawing at his thoughts as he replayed the memory over and over. He'd been too harsh, he knew; his anger flaring so quickly he couldn't control it. Regret and remorse had followed soon after, but it had been far too late; it was always far too late, and so he turned onto his side and listened to the howling wind that whipped the falling snow into a blizzard.

The storm had been raging most of the night, and it's groaning had accompanied his lover's gentle snores. Cloud was still asleep, though his poignant silence as they'd prepared for bed the night before spoke volumes of his deep disapproval.

Leon was losing them. Slowly, piece by piece, they were slipping away from him. He reached out a hand and gently chased a stand of hair away from Cloud's lashes, admiring those faint freckles across his nose and the even line of his mouth; his features relaxed and reposed in sleep. Not judging and pensive from all of his displeasure at Leon's behaviour.

Leon sighed and tried again to ignore that nagging voice of disquiet. The urge to get up and check on Sora had been growing all night, and now, as the first fragments of dawn sliced through the curtains and turned everything murky grey, Leon ran a hand through his tangled hair and checked the time.

05:48. Sora would still be asleep, but Leon could at least put his own troubled mind to rest if he just looked in on him.

Carefully, he rose from the bed, being slow and deliberate in his movements to keep from waking his lover, and slipped out into the hallway. Their new house was still strange and unfamiliar, and the shadows that cut across the landing made everything translucent and surreal. Everything was so quiet and still, for a moment Leon was disorientated as he poked his head around his son's bedroom door. The room was neat and tidy, concealed by early winter light and it took a few more moments than it should have done to realise that the bed was empty.

The disquiet in Leon's mind grew, a fresh stab of panic as he called Sora's name to be answered by silence. He knew before he'd even crossed the room that his son was not there but he pulled the blankets back just to be sure. The bed was cold and his school bag was missing, and the longer Leon looked, the more he noticed little details that fanned the flames of his panic. Clothes were gone, and a pair of shoes; a few of Sora's favourite toys too.

Leon turned and dashed back out into the hallway and raced to the top of the stairs. He called Sora's name again, this time louder, only to be met with silence.

Fear pumped the blood that coursed through his veins as Leon charged downstairs, almost stumbling on the last step as he rounded into the living room. There was the tree, still half finished next to the empty fireplace. There were the scattered boxes of things still unpacked, and there was the little box of broken trinkets on the coffee table. But beside the door – where a small pair of boots should have been – was an empty spot; missing from their place beside Leon and Cloud's. And in the door, dangling from the lock, was a set of keys normally kept on the hook beside the coat rack.

"Sora!" Leon cried, rushing forward to open the door, a blast of wintry air hitting his body. Outside there was nothing but white and the sound of the wind, whatever footprints there might have been that could have lead the way were covered over now, and the cold was so complete Leon was shivering instantly. Teeth chattered as he grit them against the scream that wanted to erupt from his throat.

"Sora!" He cried instead, his voice rising up against the storm only to be swallowed by the howling wind. Feeling the bite of the snow beneath his bare feet, Leon turned back inside, and found Cloud at the bottom of the stairs, rubbing the heel of his hand against his tired eyes.

"What's going on?" He asked, confused and disorientated.

"Sora's gone," Leon replied, shoving his bare feet into his boots, snatching his thick winter coat from the hook.

"What?" Cloud frowned, eyes more alert now.

"He ran away; his school bag is missing, his coat, his shoes… he's _gone,_ Cloud."

Only just remembering to pocket his phone and keys, Leon wrenched the door open once again and stepped out into the blizzard, his thin plaid pyjama pants offering little protection against the freezing cold.

"Leon, wait!" Cloud called behind him, yanking his own coat and shoes on as he hopped from one foot to the other in the shallow porch. "Take the car."

Leon looked back over his shoulder and shook his head. "I might not see him. I gotta go on foot." He didn't wait for Cloud to argue. Trudging back out into the storm, he fought his way down the drive and out onto the street, looking around desperately in the dim morning light for any sign of which way his son could have gone. He headed east, following the street downhill towards the centre of town and the large park where they had visited the lake.

It took only a few minutes for his fingers and toes to become numb and his lips to turn blue, and through the screaming wind he called Sora's name continuously; shielding his eyes from the whipping snow flakes that stung his face.

The park was large and desolately white. Large fields of snow lay pristine and unblemished, curtained by trees whose leafless branches fingered up into the grey dawn. Leon staggered sluggishly out into the expanse, cutting straight across the width of the park towards the icy banks of the lake and the small play area. It had been Sora's favourite place, and Leon hoped with all that was in him that his son had thought to seek refuge there.

He reached the sheltered spot under an ice covered willow tree that bowed and swayed in the wind, and strained his eyes to try and make out any familiar shapes amongst the various shades of white and grey. And there, beside the slide, lay an odd mound dusted with fresh snow, the shape too small and uniform to be that of a child, yet Leon felt himself fall into a run, grabbing at the satchel as he turned it over to realise that it was Sora's school bag, stuffed full of all the things he'd thought to take with him.

Leon looked around himself for more clues and felt the hoarse scraping of his voice as he called Sora's name again. A flash of inspiration hit him as he thought of the tiny fort at the top of the slide – a child's plaything that had been his son's favourite hiding place when they'd come here on summer afternoons.

Leon dropped the bag and ducked under the low structure, grabbing hold of the small ladder and hoisted himself up onto the first rung, peering inside the hideaway. It was dark and frosted with ice, and his heart leapt into his throat as he saw a huddled shape through the gloom, curled on its side against the cold.

"Sora!" Leon cried with relief, only for it to be stolen away as the boy lay still. He scrambled up the child sized steps and squeezed himself into the narrow space, ripping fingernails and tearing numb fingers on the jagged ice as he clawed his way inside. The moment he touched Sora, he knew his son was not asleep. He rolled him over into his arms, tugging down the scarf that obscured his face, and let out a strangled keening sound of anguish at the sight of Sora's still and bluish features. Desperately he pressed numb fingers to the pulse point at his neck, and waited for an eternity to feel the slow and sluggish strings of a heartbeat.

They were faint and fluttering, and desperately Leon unzipped his coat, wrapping the edges around his son, pulling him against his body, warming him with his own heat.

"Hold on," he whispered against his cheek as he dug in his pocket for his phone, fumbling the buttons many times before he managed to dial the right number.

It only rang a few times before the Cloud picked up.

"Where are you?" His voice so high and tight.

"The park, by the lake," Leon managed to gasp, fear taking everything else with it. "I've found him… Cloud, you have to hurry."


	6. Christmas Eve

**A/N:** Fantasy or **Religious/Secular Holidays**

* * *

 **Christmas Eve**

The clock ticked over into midnight, and suddenly, Leon was spending another Christmas Eve in a hospital by the bedside of someone he loved. This time, the tiny body in the bed was his son, and the hand he grasped was small and lax and there was nothing that could take away the agony of all of his foolish mistakes.

Cloud sat with him, one comforting hand on his knee as the silence and the moments passed by, only the sound of the softly beeping monitors to fill the void of all the things left unsaid.

"It's gonna be alright, Leon." Cloud tried to reassure him, his gentle voice hushed and unobtrusive. Leon just nodded distractedly. The doctors had told them as much. But now that the immediate danger of Sora's life at risk had passed, there was so much left to think about; so much blame to dole out, and none of it could be placed any further than at his own feet.

Leon sniffed wetly and brushed the gathering moisture away from his lashes with a tired sweep of his hand. Still in his pyjama pants and tee shirt, he shivered a little against the chill and the exhaustion, and he squeezed Sora's hand a little harder.

"I've been… I've been a bad father," he finally let himself admit, his voice coming out in a small, raspy whisper. It had always been one of his greatest fears; never having one of his own to learn from, he'd tried his hardest to be whatever it was he thought a father should be.

"What?" Cloud exclaimed beside him. "No you haven't, how can you say that?"

Leon lifted his head and stared at his son, so small and fragile amongst the blankets and the wires, and saw nothing but his own failure staring back at him.

"I promised her I'd keep him safe."

"You have." Cloud countered, letting go of his knee and reaching out for his face instead. He turned Leon towards him, a careful look of reproach in his eyes, and was about to say more when the small body in the bed began to stir, and both of their attentions were stolen.

Leon stood, hovering over the bed as Sora came awake and lifted a small fist to rub against his sleepy eyes. He mewled softly and blinked slowly, and gradually he came around, looking up at his father with large and confused eyes.

"Dad?" He asked, a little frown forming between his brows.

"It's alright," Leon heard himself say, not too sure that he meant it.

"Where am I?"

"The hospital. You ran away and got caught in the storm, remember?" Despite all that had happened, Leon's words were soft. Now was not the time for harsh reprimands.

"I… I got cold..." Sora seemed to recall.

Leon perched himself on the edge of the bed and cupped his son's cheek. "Yeah, you did. It made you fall asleep. The doctors warmed you up and made you better. How d'you feel?"

"Sleepy." Sora answered honestly, a small note of something else slipping into his expression. "Are you mad at me?"

Leon let out a shuddery exhale and couldn't stop his lips from trembling slightly.

"No, Sora. I'm not mad. I'm just glad you're okay."

"But… before, when I broke mom's Christmas decorations..." the guilt in Sora's eyes twisted Leon's heart painfully, and for a moment his vision blurred to the point that he couldn't see Sora at all. A hand on his shoulder broke the wavering line of tears and he looked behind him to see Cloud hovering close by.

"I'll go find a nurse. Maybe you should talk to him?" He suggested, any argument now obsolete. Once he left, there was nothing but silence and the heavy weight of expectation.

Sora waited patiently, oddly moved and disturbed by his father's silent tears. He'd never seen him cry. Never even seen him close. The poignancy of the act not lost on his young mind, though he struggled to understand why.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, Sora. I didn't mean… I wasn't…" Leon was struggling.

Sora wriggled free of his heavy blankets and sat himself up, resting back into the pillows as Leon arranged the covers around his tiny frame. When he was satisfied that Sora was warm enough, he sat back and tried again to order his chaotic thoughts.

"If there's something you want to ask me… something about your mother… I'll tell you; I'll tell you anything you want to know. I promise." Leon added with a weak smile.

Sora took a while to consider the offer, many thoughts flitting across his expressive face as he looked down at his hands entwined so hard together. After everything that had been said and done, there was really only one thing he wanted to know about the woman who'd brought him into this world.

"I only wanna… I just wanna know why you love her more than me." Saying it was hard and it brought tears to his eyes, the question having a similar effect upon his father. Leon's brows creased in painful understanding, and he felt all of his failures at once. _This is what living in the past has done… don't you see? You forgot about everything that's in front of you!_

"Is that what you think? That I love her more than you?"

"You're always so mad at me. And you shout at Pops too. It's like you don't want us around." Sora wiped at his snotty nose with the back of his hand and gave a wet little hiccup.

"I'm not mad at you," Leon sighed and shook his head. "I'm mad at myself. I'm angry because you deserved to have a mother and you didn't get one and life's not fair." Leon had to keep himself in check. Of all the things about life that wasn't fair, burdening his son with his own selfish thoughts was the worst of them. "I never had one, when I was growing up. I never wanted that for you too." He finally confessed.

"Well… what about a dad?" Sora asked, bewildered by this new information about his father.

"I didn't have one of those either."

Sora was deep in thought and Leon's heart gave a little twist as he realised he looked so much like Rinoa; so serious and earnest as he struggled with concepts too grown up for a seven year old mind.

"Well, I've got two… so maybe it doesn't matter so much, about mom not being around."

Leon couldn't help the weak smile that broke through his heartache.

"You don't miss her?" He wondered aloud.

"Kind of," Sora admitted, wrinkling his nose as he thought about it. "But it's kind of hard to miss someone I don't really remember. I miss you though." He added, noticing the surprise in Leon's eyes.

"What are you talking about? I'm right here."

"No you're not. You're always far away, like you're thinking of other stuff. I liked it better when we were on holiday; that place by the sea. You played with me and you laughed with Pops. That was the best holiday ever." Sora smiled at the memory.

That holiday had been two years ago, and Leon was left incredulous that Sora had been so perceptive. How had he failed to see so much when it had been right in front of his face this whole time?

"You're right," he finally admitted, nodding his head slowly as he reached out and took Sora's hand. "I've had things all messed up for so long."

Sora squeezed his fingers and sat forwards, wrapping his arms around his father's neck, so ready to forgive in the simple way that only a child can. "It's okay, dad. I still love you." He said, feeling the subtle vibrations of Leon's renewed sobs.

"I love you, too." Leon whispered, holding his son to him and placing a kiss to the top of his soft head of hair. "I promise I'll do better."

"I know."

The honest surety of Sora's faith made Leon cry a little harder.


	7. Epilogue: Christmas Day

**A/N:** **Free Day** or Fan Mix

And a special great big thank you to Chocoomba for being my beta this week. You're absolutely amazing and I love you! xxx

* * *

 **Epilogue: Christmas Day**

" _...I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach!"  
_ ― Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol.

Cloud held the delicate ornament in his fingers and admired his handiwork. It wasn't perfect, but the beautiful crystal dove was whole and recognisable; only a few subtle cracks in its carved wings were visible, and from a distance, they wouldn't be seen at all. Carefully, and with pride and reverence, he hung it on the tree and took a step back.

Everything was ready, and just in time to hear the engine of Leon's car pull up on the driveway outside. He'd come home early to finish putting the house together. The doctors had told them Sora could be discharged home that morning and with the house still cold, and tree half decorated, Cloud hadn't wanted Leon and Sora to come home on Christmas morning to work still to be done.

The front door opened and Leon walked in with Sora in his arms, hugging him tightly around the neck and head burrowed in close under his chin. Leon greeted him with a warm smile that spread across his face as he took in the twinkling lights on the tree and the carefully wrapped presents sat beneath it.

"Hey, Sora, look what Pops has done." Leon had to cajole his son, coaxing him to wake up a little and look around. Sora picked his head up off his father's shoulder and stared in wide-eyed wonder.

"You finished the tree!" He smiled, wiggling out of Leon's hold and landing on his feet.

"There's a bunch of presents down here too, if you're feeling up to it?" Cloud said, folding his arms around Sora as he raced across the living room to hug him.

"Yeah, can we, Dad, please?"

Leon shrugged, feigning a sigh as he smiled coyly at Cloud. "I suppose it _is_ Christmas."

Sora tore into his presents as Leon set his bag down by the door, and tiredly made his way over to stand beside Cloud, slipping an arm around his waist. "Thanks," he murmured in his ear, brushing his nose against his temple.

Cloud turned and looked up at him, a quiet contentment shining in his eyes. "Any time." He replied, leaning into Leon's embrace.

By the time they'd opened all the presents and a considerable pile of wrapping paper had built up in front of the fire, it was nearing midday.

"I have something else for you, if you want it?" Leon asked his son, standing to ruffle his hair as he played with his toys.

"Another present?" Sora asked, intrigued despite himself.

Leon left the living room and returned a few moments later, hiding something behind his back. He crouched down in front of his son, levelling him with a steady and profound gaze. Slowly, he drew his arm out, and held within his hand was a snow globe, its tiny glass ball reflecting the light of the fire. Sora recognised it immediately, and hesitated to take it.

"I want you to have it." Leon told him, "Your mom would want you to have it." He corrected.

Still Sora hesitated. "I… I don't wanna break it."

"You won't break it. I trust you."

Slowly, Sora reached out and took the object into his hands, holding it carefully and delicately. He eyed it wondrously, an awe entering his eyes as he looked back at his father and smiled. Deliberately, he put it down on the coffee table and reached up to hug his father tightly.

"Thanks, Dad." he whispered, kissing his cheek as he let go.

Leon stood and turned to Cloud, who was watching from his seat on the couch, a gentle smile of his own affecting his lips.

"And I have something else for you, too." He said, digging in his pocket and pulling out a small, square box.

Cloud stood and eyed it suspiciously, taking it and opening it to find a simple white band of gold nestled in the cushion.

"Is this what I think it is?" He asked, glancing up at Leon through thick lashes. Leon squirmed nervously, scratching at the back of his neck as he avoided Cloud's gaze.

"I… I'd always planned on asking you," he began, a faint blush colouring his cheeks. "I've been so caught up in the past, I… I should have seen what was right in front of me. You'll never lose out to a memory ever again. I promise."

Cloud took his time to consider his words, staring down at the small piece of jewellery that promised so much. Eventually, when Leon was afraid he wasn't going to answer at all, he smiled a faint, amused smile, and dug in his own pocket. Slowly, he pulled out a similar little box, and held it out for Leon to take.

"Looks like great minds think alike, huh?" He said, his voice soft and low.

Leon took it, a small nervous chuckle bubbling up from his throat.

"Is that a yes?" He asked, opening it to find the exact replica of the ring he'd bought Cloud. _Great minds indeed_ , he thought. Cloud inclined his head ever so subtly, the corner of his mouth twitching up into a smile and he answered quietly:

"That's a yes."


End file.
